I Remember It All Too Well
by ah-ee-you
Summary: I can still feel your presence, as strong as the summer seas. Chasing you is like chasing a cloud; recalling you is like smothering the wind with my chest. Your fleeting existence was as vague as the color borders on a rainbow/A valentine's day letter from Elias (male!Elsa) to Jack Frost. AU. BL. Silan Haye's challenge. You can read it even if you haven't watch Frozen :) Review?


**Disclaimer :** I own nothing but the story and I gain no profit from it.

**A/N : **Go play any sad songs that you have, now! You'll enjoy the story better by doing so.

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_I don't understand;_

_Your humming wails loud in my ear,_

_Your tight grip leaves marks._

_Your smile as real as the ever present sun,_

_Your frail silhouette burned onto my heart and soul._

**.**

_I don't understand;_

_We exchanged vows so clearly only yesterday,_

_Our yelling had fear stirred up in the winds._

_But all that has merged with air_

_Into a void._

**.**

_I don't understand;_

_If contracts are simply word games,_

_We shouldn't have spewed them out of these mouths_

_If in the end, you sleep_

_Only to never wake again._

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_Dear Jack,_

Happy Valentine's Day! Do you like my poem? I thought you wouldn't. You hated morbid poetry. The world, according to you, is proof of God's everlasting love. Hence your positive outlook on anything and everything. I can see it from how you lived life and how you spoke the alphabet to others. No words can be strung beautifully enough to express how I felt the day you confessed your feelings for me. I gave you but one condition: for you to never be unfaithful. Should there be someone more attractive, just go—leave. So you'll remain faithful. You agreed to this.

I don't remember when or where exactly did my admiration grow into love for you. One thing for sure is that I enjoyed every single second I spent with you. I'm grateful for your existence; despite the fact that you were far from perfection, you were the best in my eyes. You weren't exactly handsome, nor were you rich or romantic. Your simplicity caught a hold of me, however—no fancy cologne or trendy wardrobes, I still liked you. I remember everything else crystal clear; your face green with jealousy when I talk to other guys, or when you flared a crimson red, mad because I won't listen to you.

I remember dimples to match a lopsided smile. I remember rosy cheeks when you were given compliments or that time your mother gushed about how cute you were in your baby photos (I visited your house on your 15th birthday, remember?). Lastly, I remember how stern and steady you were, always ready to lend a hand to anyone in need.

Hey, you know how you used to pester me a lot before we became lovers? Especially on Valentine's; you'd give me different gifts each year. Sometimes you give me frogs, the other year was a colony of cockroaches, and there was a dead rat once. You giggled and laughed, head thrown back without a care as I scream and eventually cry. You'd appear with a bouquet of roses and a chocolate bar the next day to make up for it, and I'd refuse but oh, who in their right mind would refuse a bar of chocolate? Ah, yes—there was that one time when we forgot our homework. The 'killer' teacher bestowed upon us both the toilet duty, and it was a lot more fun with your bottomless well of jokes (who knew cleaning the toilets was such a chore?).

I found out later on from a classmate that you lied on purpose to keep me company.

My favorite moment was when I tried to smile through my tears from the troubles never leaving my shoulders. We were supposed to be in physics that time, but you took the initiative to take me up the school's rooftop level. You sat down right next to me and let me cry, cry, cry. No comments, no jokes and no lectures—you were so quiet. Well, we ended up getting scolded by the homeroom teacher (how does he prattle on like that as if there are no limits to his vocabulary?), and I started to realize just how nice of a guy you were.

Yes, despite your obnoxious Valentine's gifts.

When we started going out, you always remembered to write a poem for me for every special day. They never bore me. Constellations of words evolved into stellar intonations by you—I was addicted. You celebrated so simply, and it made the days so much more meaningful to me.

Sadly, Jack, like most flawed humans, you forget things—you forgot.

_You broke your promise._

The 365 days we went through together dulled us. Fate got so tired of looking at us happy that it interfered—broke us apart. Aren't romances better more dramatic with a dash of conflict, though? The conflict was your infidelity, Jack.

You placed yourself into the hands of the one entity I can't possibly compete against.

_You fell for Death._

You forgot how I panicked when you collapsed in the middle of our afternoon picnic. You forgot how my tears fell at the revelation of your condition—a stage four blood cancer. You forgot how I cursed at life's blessing for you, a nearly-impossible-to-cure disease. You forgot how I whispered prayers into your ear at every given chance, desperately hoping you could hear me. You forgot how I held your hand in my vice-like grip when you were on your deathbed, desperately hoping you won't let go as well.

You were selfish, wishing to only end your suffering. Did you not consider how I would live through the exact same pain and agony? You gave up earlier. You were the first one to be freed from this pain. You decided to just release your final breath and surrender yourself to Death's embrace, because that was so much more beautiful in your eyes.

The day they hid your cold, unmoving body in a coffin was the day my heart got taken away, ripped and torn into pieces, by force. But what do you care? You forgot that I'm still limping my way through life, a struggle as my feet hobble to pick back up the remains of what was once a heart—all because you left.

_I remember it all too well, Jack_.

I can still feel your presence, as strong as the summer seas. I feel you in every path I carve unto this Earth and in every oxygen atom I inhale. But I know better now. Chasing you is like chasing a cloud; recalling you is like smothering the wind with my chest. Your fleeting existence was as vague as the color borders on a rainbow.

I sigh sometimes; the contracts and vows and promises, do they mean nothing spilled from your lips? When I ask myself this question, a vision of you—pale, face gaunt and body oh so very thin, would repeat automatically, unwontedly in my head. I see you lying helpless on the hospital bed, IV drip and monitors probing under your skin. You'd wince ever so slightly every once in a while, but you'd hide the pain before me. You entertained the sympathetic souls that visited you, extruding any sadness you manage to find. You stopped caring once they've gone home, tears shed as a price for you suppressed the cancer which had already gnawed your insides to nothing.

Now I know, Jack. Our bodies are honestly as fragile as morning dew on hairless leaf. It's only a matter of time before that little drop of dew slides down to the ground, absorbed and gone forever, leaving not a single trace. But the love we've woven together is as unmovable as a mountain. Our tale of stomped hearts will remain forevermore—_immortal_.

Jack, I send you this letter to part and say goodbye. I'll place it on top of your grave—let time eat it whole and rain dissolve it back to pulp. For I know that true love can't be destroyed by memories.

Jack, this is the last poem I'll ever write about you and for you. I know I'm not the best poet around, but hey, can't blame me when you were the one who taught me, remember?

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_Before, it was just me and my world of black and white_

_I lived in fear and doubt_

_Until you found a crack_

_And crawled over every single inch of my heart._

**.**

_You made me feel like I was on a tightrope_

_—never knowing when I'll be unguarded, weak._

_You made me walk the plank_

_—never knowing when I'll give up._

_You made me soar high in the sky_

_—never knowing when I'll fall._

**.**

_But for the first time ever,_

_Safety shrouded me and happiness gave me strength._

_All shadows of fear and doubt_

_Were chased away by bright, bright, blinding light_

_—all because of you._

**.**

_Thank you_

_For all the colors_

_You let in to adorn my life._

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Happy Valentine's Day, Jack.

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Sincerely,

Elias.

_(Someone who has finally forgotten.)_

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**A/N : **THANK YOU SO MUCH TO **WAKANA SHIROU **who's so damn busy but still got the time to translate this letter to English, lemme give you a big warm hug sista! This letter was made for a writing competition but I converted it to fan fiction. GAH.

And big thank you to **SILAN HAYE** who's so nice to me and help me through a lot of things. Thank you for making the challenge!

And thank you to **(INSERT YOUR NAME HERE)** for reading this stuff! Asdfghjkl knowing that somebody will read this already makes me feel happy.

Sorry for the unclear setting and the cliché plot. Since it's a letter I don't think I should go on such details and I can't think of any other idea. But please, feel free to give me any critics!

Oh yeah, can anyone draw Jack Frost and Male!Elsa wearing glasses? I bet it'll be so hot OwO #slapped. Anyway, can't wait for your review!

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**XOXO,**

**Asha D**


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